By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=John_R._Morella,_Ph.D.]John R. Morella, Ph.D.
According to recent national statistics (National Institute of Mental Health) about 1.5 million children each year experience the divorce of their parents. With each decade, divorce rates have soared, which often lead to remarriage and more adjustments for today's youth to step-sibs, half-sibs, and blended families. Parental conflict is not a pleasant experience for you to see, and frankly as a teen, you don't want to think about what's going on in their lives. You are engrossed in what is going on in your life. Is that selfish thinking? No, not really. You have a right to feel overwhelmed and saddened for what they are creating, as you try juggling your own rapid development. Yet, you still feel compassion for what is happening to your mom and dad and to the family unit. Will you have to adjust to lots of changes? You bet. Here are a few of the events you will have to deal with: moving to a different house, or at least, back and forth between parents' homes; having less money to spend; possibly going to a new school; dealing with the unpleasant emotions of your parents; perhaps getting caught in between the tugs of each parent as they present "their side" to you; assisting younger sibs who are not coping well and I could add a few more changes that might face you.. You get the point. Now, the tips.
1. You are entitled to know about the impending divorce. If you believe you are being "kept in the dark," ask your parents for information. You have a right to offer your thoughts and feelings. Speak up. Share your opinions. Don't hold back. Be assertive.
2. Do not assume responsibility for your parents' happiness or contentment. Both parents may display sadness, anxiety, anger, and you can't make it go away. Your responsibilities are to keep up your friends, school grades, extracurricular activities, in other words, your existence. Don't allow yourself to become a substitute spouse or confidante to either of your parents. Be a teen.
3. Don't take sides with one parent over the other, and don't get dragged into any attempt of one parent to place the greater blame on the other. There are two sides to a relationship, so be fair to both of your parents. If there is 'negativity" of one parent toward the other, ask them to stop, as it hurts to hear it.
4. Remember, no matter which parent you live with, you don't live in a "single parent" home. You have two parents, and make an effort to see the non-domicile parent as often as possible. If not in person, keep in touch by phone, email or text messaging. This effort to stay in touch with the "absent parent" is valued.
5. Your parents will possibly experience 'divorce guilt" and, in consequence, may want to shower you with expensive gifts and privileges, and you may attempt to allow it. Please consider what is going on, and make it known that this is not necessary. You would rather they save the money for your education. Divorce always puts a strain on the family finances.
6. Find acceptable ways for you to deal with your hurt, anger, and loss. Find out if your school, church, or community has a support group for teens whose parents are divorce. If necessary, see a professional counselor.
7. Do support your younger siblings as they, too, are trying to cope. You will learn some skills in helping that may surprise and enrich you.
8. If prior to your parents divorce, your home was tense, with their arguing, insults, impatience with you, or perhaps worse, domestic violence,and excessive alcohol/drug use, you may feel relief when they finally separate. Don't feel guilty for your honest feelings.
9. If you are a male teen reading this article or parents, most studies on divorce and its effects on teens show that divorce is more difficult for males. Why? The male child is usually separated from his same-sex parent, as mothers usually become the physical custodians. Everyday modeling is not possible for the male child. Also, if the mother re- marries within the teen years, the male teen may find the adjustment difficult in accepting a "stepdad."
10. During the teen years is the expected time to form relationships with the opposite sex. If a teen experienced his parents "failure" to solve their marital issues, the teen may have a negative concept of love, commitments, and resolution of conflicts. Teens need to know that two important adult needs are love and meaningful work. Don't let your parent's divorce discourage you from engaging in relationships.
by John R. Morella, Ph.D.
John R. Morella, Ph.D., has worked as a licensed psychologist and academician for over thirty-five years. Since retiring, he has two books published; "A Guide for Effective Psychotherapy" (a consumer's guide for mental health counseling) and 'Give Teens a Break!" (a positive look at teens). Please see my credentials on my website or to order books: http://www.johnmorella.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Ten-Tips-to-Teens-on-Coping-With-Parents-Divorce&id=6267287] Ten Tips to Teens on Coping With Parent's Divorce
No comments:
Post a Comment